Now my good sis Malia Obama just got caught appreciating what appears to be a little of that desiccated oregano at Lollapalooza and I’m not even mad except I’m livid at the ‘friend’ who posted that video. This could all have been easily avoided had I been present, in the appropriate garb, to side-step into the frame and block that footage. Here are some things to wear, if you fear your girl might get played on this day.

The football shoulders keep your friend safe from harm’s camera, the message speaks for itself. YOU THOUGHT. Thanks, Vetements!

There’s no room for snakes to do their bidding if you subtly show them you’re on to them with a slip of your fur’s lining. Nothing to see here, move along, it’s all Gucci

“Let me take a fake selfie and embarrass this one real quick! Wait, where’d she go? There’s this oblong black glossy object hovering around her, dancing erratically… Okay, I’m over it.” You’re a real one, Mr Simons

Bam! You like those Youtube videos so much? What’s in my bag then? Exactly, nothing! But my friend’s entire silhouette has been obfuscated by my holding this behemothic Balenciaga up, so what’s good?

No shenanigans will ever see the light of feeds with you around, and that’s a major key. Go you!